Friday, February 18, 2005

Leave me alone

Please. Just... leave me alone.

Hell Week descended on our house with two more molars erupting at once, and a flu-y husband taking the last three days off. Translation: a not-sleeping 19-month-old and no one to help me watch him.

We did have Grandma over one of the days. All that meant was I tried to filter interview notes through a haze of screeches and yells. Because flu-y husband was upstairs sleeping, we tried to keep the boy downstairs. I felt it was the lesser of two evils for my work to be disturbed.

Still, I'm in a frame of mind right now that says even when Grandma comes on the days the boy will sleep, it doesn't matter. When I'm alone during the day, I only work during naptime. And when Grandma is here, I only work during awake-time. Naptime is socialization time. I figure I'm not paying her to babysit, and she likes to talk. It's the least I can do, right?

I know I need to stand up for myself and ask her please to let me work. And it's only hard right now because the weather is horrible and she can't take him outside for any length of time. And because I've had no break in days, my perspective is a bit skewed.

But you know... just once... I'd love not to have to stand up for myself. I'd love for someone to tell me they're taking the boy off my hands for the whole day. Like out of the house. Oh heck, even just half a day. Four hours would be better than the two that normally constitute his naptime. I do not understand how people who know me well enough to buy the right gifts for my birthday and Christmas, the right cards to make me misty-eyed, the right CD or movie for the right mood, fail to see the one gift that will make me feel loved beyond words.

Time. By myself.


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